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Episode: 314 - Creating a Family Brand for Financial Success: Lessons from Melissa Smith

 

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Transforming a family's culture all together, including financially can significantly impact relationships, values, and overall happiness. Melissa Smith, co-host of the Family Brand Podcast and a leader in family development, shares her insights on creating a cohesive family culture and intentional familial growth. 

 

 

Building a Financial Legacy 

Family financial culture is more than just managing money—it's about aligning finances with family values and fostering relationships. By creating intentional financial plans, families can experience stronger bonds and grow together, leaving a lasting legacy. 

Melissa's Journey to Family Development 

Melissa shares her compelling story of transformation. After facing marital challenges early in their relationship, Melissa and her husband committed to developing a thriving family environment. Despite financial struggles, including being in significant debt, they began to rebuild their family's foundation. This pivotal moment sparked their journey toward establishing Family Brand. 

Understanding Family Culture 

Family culture involves creating an environment where every family member feels valued and has a voice. Just as businesses work to cultivate a positive workplace culture, families can design an intentional, healthy home environment. 

Intentional Family Time 

Melissa emphasizes the importance of regular family gatherings. Weekly family meetings are crucial for expressions of gratitude, problem-solving, and scheduling. It doesn't have to be dinner; even breakfasts work if that's when the family can gather. 

Communicating with Your Spouse 

For relationships to thrive, mutual communication and personal growth are vital. Both Melissa and her husband took responsibility for their happiness and sought therapy, which laid the foundation for a stronger partnership. 

Tools for Creating Family Culture 

Melissa suggests starting with small steps like family meetings. Resources are available, such as a free guide on how to conduct effective family conversations at familybrand.com/meeting  

Stories of Transformation 

Melissa recounts helping a family facing severe struggles including a child with suicidal ideation. By focusing on family culture, they embraced values like "bringing the fun," transitioning from stress to fulfillment. 

Resources for Families 

Family Brand offers various tools including guides on managing family time and digital programs to aid families in developing a meaningful culture. The Family Brand Podcast also delves into parenting, marriage, and other family-centered topics. 

Creating a healthy family culture isn't just beneficial—it's transformative, impacting everything from daily interactions to lifelong goals. By intentional planning and communication, families can live more fulfilled lives aligned with their deepest values. 


Resources Mentioned 

The Totally Awesome Debt Freedom Planner https://www.debtfreedad.com/planner  

To learn how to take the stress out of your finances so you can breathe again, follow this link: https://www.debtfreedad.com/lwp-masterclass-opt-in-page-podcast 

Connect With Brad 

Website- https://www.debtfreedad.com 
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YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@bradnelson-debtfreedad2751/featured 
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Transcript

 Brad Nelson:  

So how do you create a family financial culture that aligns with your values, strengthens your relationships and helps you guys grow together as a family? Now, today, we're excited to be joined by Melissa Smith, co-host of the Family Brand podcast and a leader in the family development movement. Now, melissa is here to help us learn how to transform our family cultures, create relationships that last intentionally, grow together and find the courage to live the life that we want for ourselves. If you're ready to learn how to make money, work for your family and leave a legacy that lasts, this is for you.

Announcer:  

You're listening to the Debt-Free Dad Podcast with Brad Nelson. Brad and his co-hosts experience the anxiety of living paycheck to paycheck before learning the fundamentals of financial success. They are now on a mission to empower regular people to pay off their debt for good and enjoy happier, less stressful lives. Keep listening for inspirational interviews, tips, tricks and practical advice to gain financial freedom.

Brad Nelson:  

Hey guys, welcome to today's show. I am Brad Nelson, founder of Debt-Free Dad. I paid off about $45,000 of debt, have been debt-free now for more than 11 years, outside of my mortgage. I've also been fortunate and grateful to be able to help thousands of people over the years save and pay off tens of millions of dollars with the work that we do here at Deferred Dad.

Brad Nelson:  

Now, after listening to this episode, if you're someone who is ready to make some changes you're tired of the paycheck to paycheck life. If you want to start taking your finances to the next level, I've got a great resource that can seriously start getting you better results with your finances in as little as 30 to 60 days. And, yes, even if you're a normal income earner, normal person just like me, you can do this too, and I'm going to be sharing details about how you can get started with that later on in today's show. So hey, Melissa, welcome to the Debt-Free Dad podcast. So glad that you're joining us here today. I'm really glad to be here. Thank you, yeah, absolutely so. Can you share real quick about how you got into this whole thought leader situation with family development? You started a business called Family Brand and some people might be like. What is that when we talk about family culture? What is that and how are you helping people with that and how you got into this?

Melissa Smith:  

That's a great question. It was definitely born from my own experiences, my own journey. Right now I've been married almost 20 years. I have five kids, ages seven to 17. But when I'd been married just four years, my husband and I we found ourselves separated and headed towards divorce. We had two little boys, a brand brand newborn and an 18 month old, and it was just a really, really challenging time. And we were at this intersection of okay, where are we going to go from here? And the outcomes of these decisions looked very different.

Melissa Smith:  

We ultimately decided, you know what we want to create the marriage and the family life of our dreams, the one that we dreamed of the day. We said I do Somehow. We had got away from that, but we wanted to bring it back to that. We wanted to not just survive in our marriage until the kids were out of the house, but like how can we thrive? And so that sent us on this path of, I would say, a lot of personal development and then a lot of trial and error, like how can we tweak this, how can we make this family life better? And all that we want it to be. In a nutshell, my husband has a coaching company where he helps companies get clear on who they are, what they stand for, and part of the journey for us was he came home from work one day and said can we take our family through my process? He's like, I've had a lot of great feedback of companies getting really clear on these things and I think that would be really impactful for family to do too, and so I was down to do that.

Melissa Smith:  

We created this little offsite, we brought our kids to and we had this little meeting and there was. It was chaos and we had to make the meeting short, and but it was fun because we were having conversations that we had never had before. Who are we as Smiths? What do we stand for? What do we want to be known for? Let's fast forward 20 years. What do we want our life to look like?

Melissa Smith:  

And after we had, when that day was over, he said that was really cool. We just branded our family. So that was, that was the genesis of family brand as it exists today. But I feel like the making of family brand was a long time in coming, and then we just started talking about what we had done with our family and people started asking more about that, saying, hey, we want a system, we want a process to help us develop our family mission, our vision and our values and our family culture. And so I just went from there as people started asking and we just started authentically sharing our experience and teaching others how to create it too.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, it's super cool talking to individuals like you because it's amazing how all of us kind of share a similar story, because that's how I started. It's like I didn't really get out of debt or improve my finances to teach people how to do it, I just did it for me. But then, like very much like you guys, we just started having people ask us for help and that's that's what brought us to where we are today. So it's fascinating always talking to individuals and how similar those stories can be.

Brad Nelson:  

We have a blended family of five kids so I understand how life is chaos when you've got that many people in your house. So I could totally relate to that. But can you share a little bit now? Obviously we're the Debt-Free Dad podcast. We help people improve their finances, get out of debt, reduce financial stress in order to give them the opportunity to live a happier life and really focus on kind of their life's mission and what they want to do. So can you share a little bit from your family's perspective on money and finance? And how did finances play a role in this whole family brand and really designing?

Melissa Smith:  

the life that you and your family wanted to live.

Melissa Smith:  

That point in our life where I was telling you that we were at a crossroads, the other thing that was happening kind of behind the scenes is we were in so much debt tens of thousands of dollars of student loans, cars, houses that were getting repossessed car I had a truck actually that got repossessed we didn't have great income coming in. It wasn't just the marriage, it was like so much more and a lot of it was financial related, and so I know intimately what it feels like to be there. I shared this with you before we started recording, but just recently I realized I've never shared that part of our journey before, and it's not because I didn't want to. I just didn't think like, oh, I don't know why I would share that. But I think it's so important, like you said, that people share their experience like you do so that others can learn from it. Because when I was in that moment, I remember one time I had to return. My husband was paid on commission, so we never had consistent checks coming in every two weeks.

Brad Nelson:  

Which makes it really hard and difficult yeah.

Melissa Smith:  

Yes, and I remember there was one week he did commercial real estate, so sometimes the deals were like very, they were bigger deals but they were like spread out. And so there was a time I remember returning a set of curtains that still had the tags on them for some reason, because I was like I don't know how we're going to get money for food this week, and that was the most logical answer was okay, I'll return these curtains. But in that moment I could not picture our life any different. We were just like living day to day. We were living paycheck to paycheck. We were just living day to day. We were living paycheck to paycheck. But I think part of this family brand journey has realizing, first of all, I don't want to be in debt anymore, I am done with this. And then looking at our life and realizing, okay, if we are done with this, we needed to create more income. That was one thing, but it was like that decision, I think, was the catalyst.

Melissa Smith:  

I read a book about getting out of debt, actually, and I just remember getting mad Like why are we doing this to ourselves? We will never be able to live the life that we want if we continue down this path, and so I think that was the starting point. And I will say my husband was not. He did not share the same sentiment as me because I had read the book or whatever, and I had done.

Melissa Smith:  

I loved listening to talk radio at the time and it was my idea and I was like the one that was done with it, and so it took some time for him to come around to the idea. So anyone listening who maybe feels like I want this so badly for my family but my spouse is not on board, I think it's still doable, but it takes like conviction and it takes. I had to lay out the plan and debt and I was so convicted in it that he had no choice but to eventually get on board and then, as we got momentum, he realized, okay, yeah, we can do this. I see the value in this.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, I love that you share that too, because there are so many people that we've worked with over the years that it is that you know. You have one person who maybe hears our podcast or listens to a workshop and they're like, yes, I want to do this, and then they're dragging their spouse and you're right, it takes patience and a lot, a lot of patience to get them on board. So, like Melissa said, stick with it. So you guys created this new culture. A lot of people don't even like family culture. What is that? I didn't know that that was a thing Like. When you say culture and family culture helping people transform their culture, can you start from the root level of what are we talking about when we say culture in general as it relates to our families?

Melissa Smith:  

Yes, a lot of times when I'm having, so let me maybe back up one second. So this business that we've created called Family Brand I believe that the category does not yet exist in the marketplace, and so sometimes it is difficult for families to wrap their minds around. Wait, what? What are we trying to do? What is this thing? And so that's why we came up with this idea of family development. It's not personal development and it's not marriage, but it's the family as a whole, the health of the family, how to create a stronger family as a whole. And so this is very common. Actually, the people are like wait, what? Tell me more?

Melissa Smith:  

So I always like to relate it to something that people are familiar with oftentimes, which is business. And so if you'll talk about business people that own a business you talk about your culture, like what is the culture in our business? What is our workplace environment? Can we create a space that people love coming to work to? How can we treat our employees well and in a way where they can thrive? And so it's taking a lot of these same ideas that we do for business that we, a lot of times companies spend tens of thousands of dollars figuring out, taking these same ideas and realizing like, oh, I could apply these same ideas to my family, but I haven't even thought about that before.

Melissa Smith:  

And so I guess one thing that we always like to tell families as it relates to family culture, it is how are we developing our people inside of our homes? Are we creating an environment in our homes where everyone feels like they have a voice, everyone feels like they are welcome and that they are part of this unit, which is easier said than done, and of course, we all want that, but sometimes we don't even think about it, and so our culture is built by default and it's not built by design, and so we really help families look, are you creating a culture by design where these things are happening? And then, of course, we give them ways that they can do that. But I think that's like the biggest thing was it relates to family culture is creating that space where everyone feels like they belong and that they have a voice and there's a safe place for everyone.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, so do you have like a process that you can share, that like, okay, family comes to you, they start working with you and they say hey, look, we do want to create, say, a better culture, a better atmosphere within our home, one that is obviously more focused on living intentionally rather than, you know, just by default, like you mentioned? How does a family go through the process of that? Because, again, you just go through life every day and it just seems to be the thing. So how do you go from letting things just happen versus we're going to be intentional, and what are some of the ways that they can start doing that?

Melissa Smith:  

Yeah, here's one thing you can do, and I actually have this on my website for free If you go to familybrandcom, forward slash meeting. It's this guide of how to start having conversations as a family every week, and so we have a weekly family meeting and we have weekly family check-ins, where we check in with our kids one-on-one, or my husband and I together with our kids two-on-one, and so I think that's where I would start is having these intentional times where we're gathering the family together, and I think a hundred years ago this used to just happen more naturally.

Melissa Smith:  

But, I think in today, in our busy lives that's what I hear from families so often is we're just so busy with kids' sports and work and school and just activities. Families don't naturally run into each other throughout the day like they used to, and so it's creating this intentional time where we are connecting whether that's at the dinner table to have conversations, or whether that's like the weekly meeting, like I just mentioned, or the weekly check-ins with our kids but really getting a pulse on where are we at as a family, like, are we coming together, are we having conversations? But I think that is where I would start is having those intentionally created moments where you're coming together and communicating as a family as a whole. No-transcript who in the family did something kind for you? Let's review our schedules, make sure everyone's getting to where they need to be from an organizational standpoint, and then also in that meeting we're talking about okay, who here has a problem that they would like help solving? Can we collectively come together as a team and help each other out?

Melissa Smith:  

So that's one way, and we have chosen to do that on Sundays, and we do that almost every Sunday without fail, even if we're we were just on vacation and it was like, okay, let's just do it in the car this week. But it's like that consistency, I think, is huge. And then another thing, also on Sunday was we do those family check-ins that I mentioned, the individual check-ins with our kids where we ask our kids what's important to you this week, how can I support you this week? At a very basic level. That's what I would recommend. Once you have a system figured out, it's like you can add to it.

Melissa Smith:  

But sometimes to start right out and say we do all of these things, it sounds really overwhelming. So I would say the family meeting I love the kids' individual check-ins where we're asking them those two questions. And then also cannot overemphasize family mealtime. The research on family mealtime is crazy, like the impact of family meals together. How decreased rate of teenage pregnancy, drug use, anxiety, depression in children and families when they were having consistent meals. And so for some families it's easy to do that at dinner time. They're all around the dinner table more often. For other families, like ours, I feel like we have more success doing breakfast together, because I do have older teenagers that are involved in doing things. But just finding that time that works for your family, where you're coming together every week is where I would tell a family just to start.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, I totally know the benefits of just being able to sit down and get together as a family. That's huge. So, as a family who isn't doing this, like how do you get over the kids? Like? This is weird. What are we doing? What is happening? Is that a conversation that the parents have with the kids? Or how does that transition happen over? Because, I mean, some families are in absolute chaos and then just to go down to like man, if we could just get together a few times a week and have a meal together, that would be a huge win. So how do you get them? Because I would assume time management is huge with this whole process too. So what are some tips for families with that?

Melissa Smith:  

Yes, and I appreciate that comment because it is true. If you're introducing something new into your family, there is especially depending on if you have little kids like. They're on board, they're down, they're like yeah, this is cool, but I have teenagers, I get it. They're like why are we doing this? I want to be out, like playing with my friends, or I want to be, you know, fill in the blank, whatever else they would rather be doing. I think, though, again another business analogy if you were running a business, if you were a leader in a business and you're stick with me here if your employees were not like, down to do the things that you felt like were the best for the health of the business, you wouldn't just throw in your hands in there and say, okay, yeah, we won't, we won't do it. If you're going to throw a fit about it, I'll just give up, we're not going to do it.

Melissa Smith:  

But, sometimes we do that in families, but I would love to empower families to be like you are the leader of your family If you know that these things are going to be good for your family. Yes, you may meet with a little bit of resistance, but how can you get creative and be like okay, I know that I'm meeting with some resistance, but can we make this fun? Can we adjust this to be something that people will actually look forward to? Maybe it's not like dinner in the house, maybe we take it outside, or maybe we budget to eat out at our favorite restaurant, like once a month, where we know we're all going to be together. Use your power as the leader in your home and as the creative, beautiful human that you are. You know that you can make this fun and make this attractive to your kids, but you might just have to work a little bit harder for it.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, Working with your kids is one thing, but obviously I think it starts with the parents in the house too. So between you and your husband, like from a communication standpoint, can you share some tips to help couples get more on the same page? Obviously, we focus more on a lot on finances here. You mentioned your story with getting your husband on board with your finances and getting out of debt, but I mean there's a lot more that's going on in a relationship than just money. So can you share how you guys have moved from where you were before where you mentioned, within the first four years you were separated to where you are now, where it seems like you guys are living a much more connected and more intentional life together?

Melissa Smith:  

Yeah, I think for us it really started with us taking individual responsibility for our own happiness and our own personal development.

Brad Nelson:  

That's big, that's a big one.

Melissa Smith:  

I know people I do get asked this question what did you do? And I'm like, well, if I could just put a little bow on it. It was like years, but a few like little things, that and that is one, because it was so easy for us in the moment to be like, well, if you would do this, then I wouldn't do this. And well, if you would do that, then I would be happy. But wait, can I take individual responsibility for my own growth and development, independent of anything that you are doing or saying? That is huge. And then I think one thing for me is I had kind of gotten a little bit lost in my early motherhood journey. Okay, and I forgot. What do I want Like who? Do I want to be independent of my husband or dependent on my kids and really like trying to be that person and trying to like develop that person, which again goes back to that personal development conversation.

Melissa Smith:  

So that was like that's big picture, like tactical things that I feel like we do to connect every week are well, and I will add, as we strive to do that individually, not worry about, like what the other person is doing, but like trying to be the best versions of ourselves. We were able to come together Like I was more fulfilled and I was more happy, he was more fulfilled and he was more happy and we were able to come together and create something better together because we were working on ourselves individually. We also saw marriage therapists, like we weren't trying to just figure this out on our own. So that's big picture, like things that we did, things that we do now, to like stay connected and keep that vision.

Melissa Smith:  

Are I? When I mentioned the check-ins with our kids? He and I actually do a check-in with each other every week as well, where we're asking, like how can I support you this week? How can I show up better for you this week? We also take walks almost every day. I think that is huge, like just for connecting at the end of the day, yeah, so good.

Brad Nelson:  

And I think you know you're absolutely right. It's finding those moments of connection and, and really I think, talking a little bit more and being more proactive about what you really want in life. And I think sometimes that's really hard for families, especially for the parents you mentioned. You have five kids, I have five kids. Sometimes it can be so overwhelming. It's like where do you find those pockets of time throughout the day in order to have some of those really important discussions, even if it's not every day throughout the week? When do you actually get to spend time talking about, hey, what are the things that we want and the things that we need to do and how, like here, finances just plays such a big role in helping us being able to achieve a lot of those goals and those dreams.

Brad Nelson:  

Now, you had mentioned, by going through some of this stuff you had mentioned, you know your husband are more happy and fulfilled. So can you share going through family brand, going through this being more intentional with building this culture? What were the feelings before versus where are they now? And maybe don't use your own example Maybe you have some people that you've helped that were like man. We're stressed, things are chaotic, like it's life sucks right now. And now we're here, so can you share some of the transformations that you've seen people go through with this?

Melissa Smith:  

Yeah, my, this is kind of an extreme example, but it's, I think, illustrates what you're asking very beautifully is we had a family that came to us that, um, they were similar in age to our kids. They had four kids, ages I don't know, probably five to 15 at the time, and their oldest son, when they came to us, he had struggled with some suicidal ideation and he had been hospitalized and he had gotten the help that he needed medically. But she came to us and said he's has resources, he has things, but we, I feel like there's some collective healing that needs to happen for our family and I don't know what to do, I don't know how to move forward from this for our family. And so that was the way that they came into Family Brand and they realized I think more is possible for us, but we don't know how to get there, we don't know what's next. And so that was the case for her. She just needed a formula and she needed a system.

Melissa Smith:  

I didn't even meet with her in person, actually, she just did our digital program. But from our digital program she was able to be like, okay, who are we as a family? And they were able to involve all the kids in the conversation. Where do we want to go as a family? What do we want to be known for? One of their family values that they came up with is we bring the fun. And, as I've gotten to know this family, she reached out to me after they'd gone through our program on social media and, as I've gotten to know this family, I'm like they do, like they, they bring the fun, and so I think of them in like that moment where they're stressed and struggling, they're living like truly day to day, with everything going on in their family, to being like the family that brings the fun. They were able to just define that and see who are we really at the core of our being. To me, that was a huge and beautiful transformation.

Brad Nelson:  

Yeah, well, that's what we live for, that's what we look for. I mean, that's what we're here to help people with, and it's so cool that you're able to walk families through this and you have some great tools and resources. You just mentioned the word stuck. So if families are stuck, they're kind of like yeah, we're stressed, we don't seem to always have time together, kids are all over the place.

Melissa Smith:  

We don't tend to have any focus being intentional, like what are some tools and resources that you guys offer to help people kind of break through some of that stuff. Yeah, so I mentioned before our family meeting guide. Families find a lot of value in that and that's at familybrandcom forward slash meetings we also have. We've talked a lot about time today and we also have a guide of how to evaluate your family's time. Are there things that you're saying yes to that maybe you aren't aligned with your family, that you could be saying no to? And then, of course, we have our digital program and then I also have a podcast it's the Family Brand Podcast where we have a lot of these conversations for families how to be a stronger, more intentional family we talk about. The cool thing about when you talk about family is you can basically talk about anything and it somehow relates back to family, Whether that's parenting or marriage or kids.

Melissa Smith:  

We have some cool conversations over there on the Family Brand Podcast too.

Brad Nelson:  

Awesome, awesome, melissa. Well, thank you so much for being on the Deaf Free Dad Podcast and sharing some of your wisdom on improving family culture and being more intentional. It was awesome to have you on here today.

Melissa Smith:  

Thank you.

Brad Nelson:  

Yep, All right. Guys, as I said, if you want to pay off debt, save more money, get out of debt, take control of your finances once and for all, and you are seriously ready to start making those changes today and you want to start seeing amazing results, seriously in as little as 30 to 60 days, All you got to do head over to defriedadcom click on the green button at the top of the page, and and today we are kicking off with Christina.

Brad Nelson:  

Christina says I was able to put $160 into my emergency fund. Christina, awesome job. That emergency fund is an absolute game changer. Congratulations to you, janet. I have started my emergency fund and I have saved up my first $100 to put towards it and I have paid off my very first smallest debt. Using the debt snowball, I have started to clutter my house to sell items and put those towards my emergency fund. She says I'm also planning this week to cook all of my meals at home. Janet, taking action girl. Congratulations to you. Awesome wins this past week.

Brad Nelson:  

Vanessa, I just finished my first month of paying attention to my spending. You guys listen to this. She says I'm trying to work within my budget. It wasn't perfect, she says, but I did manage to put $200 towards my emergency fund and I paid off $1,500 in debt in just her first month of actually paying attention. Guys, this stuff works. Vanessa, you're proof of that. Congratulations. Keep up the great work. Hey guys, as always, congratulations to all of you guys who are taking a stand for your financial life and you're wanting better. Hey, we get that. Getting out of debt here isn't easy, but with our help and with your consistency and discipline, hey, we promise you guys this will be some of the best work that you guys do in your entire life. Thanks for joining us on today's show and we will see you guys on the next episode.

Announcer:  

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